I just found out that Satan himself uses AWeber for his maniacal ends. It's true, AWeber is so pursuasive that the devil is using it to build a huge database of potential minions.
Oh wait...you don't know what AWeber is? Let me explain...the quicker the better.
AWeber is a web site that offers "autoresponding" service. This is a form on your blog where readers give you their name and email address, and they are sent responses from you, automatically. Clever, huh?
Even though it seems that the Dark Lord is sending personal, timely messages to the weak of faith, they are actually just getting canned emails that one of Satan's copywriters (probably Brian Clark) wrote long ago.
Everyday, the poor soul waits impatiently for their next email from www.all-your-problems-vanish-I-just-want-one-thing-from-you.com, not knowing that the emails he is receiving are all personalized by AWeber ("Dear Elliot," instead of a generic, "Dear Soon-to-be-Damned,"), and even include a date-sensitive call to action such as, "Reply by Midnight, Friday, May 2, or this opportunity to have unlimited wealth, a date with Jacqueline MacKenzie, and the ability to fly will expire."
Think about how this can work on your blog? It's not just the eternally blazing that are taking advantage of automatically-sent emails. Businesses use them to send their loyal readers special coupons or buying opportunities.
Studies show that the average heathen takes at least 7 emails before signing away their soul with reckless abandon. AWeber sends 7, 10, 15 emails, or however many you want, automatically, effortlessly, and effectively.
I use AWeber because they are 100% legal (that means they are compliant with CAN-SPAM laws...or is it canned spam laws?), and readers can unsubscribe anytime, without any runaround.
The devil agrees:
I am not being paid to endorse AWeber automated emails. I am endorsing them because they work. AWeber makes things easy with video tutorials, step-by-step instructions, and guides and tips on how to make your mailings more and more effective. Give me your soul.
[Photo: "Tonight, the part of Satan will be played by Uncle Kage" by dmuth on Flickr, used with permission under Creative Commons Copyright.]
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