So you're cruising through life, carefree, sipping a Coke, and then I slam this title on your screen. Sorry to break it to you, but you're going to die.
I know you spend most of your time denying this fact. You've got your new red convertible, you've added ten friends on MySpace in the past week, and you get all the jokes about Smallville. But someday, you're going to drop like a rock and your soul is going to pass its time somewhere else.
Before that happens, think about your blog, and how completely unsatisfying it would be if you hadn't written these 5 world-changing posts:
1) "I wish I were somewhere else"
This is the post where you confess that for the moment, you are sick of blogging, your eyes are cracking because you haven't blinked in the last ten minutes, and if you have to deal with one more tag, you'll gag...one more stumble, you'll crumble...one more digg, you'll wig...one more feed, you'll bleed...and one more tweet, you'll jump off a bridge.
I'm not saying you always feel like this. I'm just saying that the one time you do, write about it. It will be totally off-topic and entirely entertaining.
2) "3 things about [your company name] I would only tell you if I was drunk"
It helps to write this one after a bottle of Charles Shaw Chardonnay ($3, Trader Joe's), regardless of what Jeff Stai thinks about it.
3) "What I would do with $100 million"
You've won the lottery. After taxes, you are left with $100 million. What now?
According to Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich, clergyman Dr. Frank W. Gunsaulus once gave a sermon one Sunday titled, "What I Would Do If I Had A Million Dollars." At the end of the sermon, Phillip D. Armour approached him and handed him a check for the full amount. With the money, Gunsaulus founded the Illinois Institute of Technology.
The point is that it would really suck if that could happen to you, but you never told anyone what you would do if you had the money. Notice I increased the amount from a million. Does anyone even get excited about one million dollars anymore?
Your readers will love this because it will show how imaginative you are, or possibly how full of BS you are (cure cancer? yeah right).
4) "Me and my brother/sister/best friend"
This post is simply a photo. It tells the world, "I have a family," "I have a best friend," "I'm just like you," and hopefully, "I'm a dork."
5) "Probate? What do you mean probate?"
OK...this is totally selfish on my part. But before you die, I would like you to write a post that tells a joke. The punchline of the joke should be, "Probate? What do you mean probate?"
I don't care if you already know a joke with this punchline or if you have to make it up. And don't worry about your readership being annoyed that you are off-topic. How often do you step aside and tell a joke? Everyone loves jokes.
You see, years ago my best friend (see photo above) was waiting for an elevator in New York when the doors opened and a man said these words. The half dozen people in the elevator broke into raucous laughter and then went home, happy and satisfied.
But my best friend was left with the troubling puzzle of what joke could possibly be this hysterical while having that as a punchline. Many years have passed, and though my friend and his friends have searched for the joke, it has never been known to us.
Please help put my friend out of his misery.
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